Sleeping with The Virgin

…too drunk to dance

so last night was nice.

last night was fun.

last night i was sleeping with the virgin.

but i’ll come to that all in good time.

much to my chagrin i’ve been so incredibly busy that i haven’t been posting nor have i had the pleasure of sharing my thursday afternoon girl adventures…

so where do i begin?

i’m not a slut, i’m just horny.

ok, so maybe I’ll go back a little, explain some things…

I used to be a girl who felt very scared by the R word. (we’re talking Relationship, not Rape or Rubella…) I didn’t trust people easily or like the idea of depending on anyone or becoming attached… but then I did (get attached), with this amazingly wonderful guy… & it was awesome. And after a year of being together we both transfered to different schools, moving to separate regions of the country & it sucked. (neither of us believe in long distance: while in college, at such a young age… etc)

I went around trying to move on, or not even thinking about that but just wanting some fun. & just recently after some fun, some angst, a lot of being crazy horny, & a whole other load of shit (various different antidepressant cocktails, a stint at sobriety- very enlightening, detoxing of all drugs that weren’t of the prescription variety, dealing with conflicting feelings over why guys are interested in me, the list goes on…) I finally, finally realized that I am a relationship kind of girl. I need to feel appreciated, and to know that the other person is interested in me, not just for sex (although, they have to be into that too), but actually cares about me, that they want to know what i think… 

-I have also realized that most all guys in Chicago, thus far, are assholes. 

(at least the ones i’m attracted to or get interested in/get mixed up with are… I would love to be proved wrong.)

That’s great & all that I’ve discovered this (no, it actually really is)

BUT how can one reconcile this need, desire, craving, urge for sex, a lot of sex, while balancing what also happens to be a current necessity for a relationship environment. 

(One night stands are disqualified- however there is a weak loop hole clause: someone I have no possibility of having to see again- But chicago just doesn’t let this happen, inevitably you will run into them or they will know one of your friends or so on, there aren’t even 6 degrees here!)

So, what do I do in the mean-time? 

Don’t get me wrong, self pleasure is great, but not the same. & getting into that place where you are in a relationship is a lot of work. 

First just even finding a decent guy is incredibly hard, especially when you’re shy on the asking out (just there & no where else- life can be so perverse) & you don’t believe in the internet for you as a place to meet people for dating (technology/various websites & i have our issues… we may need to come to an agreement.)

What do you do?

…suck it up & get out there 

& i think first, i need to stop jumping into bed or onto couches with guys i think have potential before dating them. (This is another of my problems, I’m so horny sometimes/frustrated sexually & otherwise, that I leap too far ahead, send the wrong message/image of myself & just end up with a headache… oh yes, I have no qualms about taking my shirt off in front of you, or even going in for a BJ, but having to ask you out on a date freaks me out, I get all stutter-y & jumble my words… )

But the only solution that I keep coming back to is the ’suck it up & get out there’ one…

anything else? no. ok. I’ll work on this… 

ok. enough of that… let’s go to Saturday Night… My friend was throwing a new apt. party. I go. 

I go because I love parties, & I want to see her & some other people, but also kind of sort, ok, really because I knew there would be this guy there. Let’s call him… um… Guy (seriously tired here, excuse my lack of creativity) 

So Guy & I have had a class together, talk occasionally… One day we were in the studio at the same time & he came over to see what I was shooting & it turned into talking about (me shooting) male nudes… leading to how sometimes it’s difficult to find guys who are comfortable being naked… & this leads to learning that Guy is one of those guys… which is super cute on him when he says it… & is in stark contrast to the fact that I like being naked.

Anyway. I knew that he would be there, was kind of hoping that he would be there, & kind of thinking that I would go home with him. 

yep. (that’s not devious is it? no. maybe some of my tactics, a little. ok.)

So I  arrive at the party (of course it’s way up near Wrigleyville & i live in Pilsen which means fun entertainment on the CTA), the apt is super nice, there are guys who biked there (yes i have a thing for guys on bikes… just bicycles in general), & i walk in & there he is. Guy. 

Smile.

-(maybe I give a slightly sly happy small smile)

So nice times ensue, some chatting on the back porch, talking, drinking, drinking, dancing, laughing, just having a great time really & then my friend (who is also Guy’s friend) & I somehow bring up how Guy doesn’t like to be naked (apparently it’s no secret)… & we both start joking around that we need to get him naked that night… to which he says he no, shakes his head & laughs.

More drinking, being chatted up by some boys, chatted up by a pair of brothers (which is always fun/interesting) 

… some cigarette drags (I hate cigarettes, but I love the feel of holding one between my fingers & at my lips),

 a little more dancing & then I head inside & find Guy, sit down on the couch next to him & lay my head into his chest, put my legs up over his, raise my head very slowly, look him in the eye & smile. Then I join the conversation, take a few hits & feel great.

Somehow Guy sees this other couch empty off, so  we head over there, where I lay down with my head in his lap (he’s a little ? something by this. I guess he just wasn’t expecting it)

& Then I get him to dance! Guy not only doesn’t like to be naked, he doesn’t dance. (opposites attracting I guess… extreme polar opposites on those two points at least)

We dance. But both of us are fairly drunk & really tired. He goes back to the couch, I keep dancing alone, he is clearly amused, & I realize just how nicely drunk I am & return to the couch to look adorable.

I vaguely remember saying/asking if maybe I could stay the night at his place…yes. & a little later he says he’s tired & asks if I’m ready to go. 

YES! 

(Our friends see us leave together… always great to get those sidelong glances from people who know you & think they know what you are about to do)

So we walk to his place. Much of this walk I don’t really remember, other than being bubbly & drunk & feeling nice, and that we talked about music, & that he made sure the traffic was clear before letting me cross the street. We were holding hands.  

We get his place, his roommates are out. 

We go into his bedroom. 

Guy has nice sheets. Very nice, soft sheets on his bed… this dusty purple color he claims is grey. Potato, Potahto my friend -They’re soft & sexy.

We end up on his bed, just lying next to each other talking & I don’t know if I kissed him or he kissed me (probably me kissing him) … i’m pretty sure that I was on top of him (thus an indication that I initiated the kissing)… 

I begin to unbutton his shirt, stealthily undo his belt… I could feel, could hear his heart racing in his chest, & it was kind of great that he seemed so nervous (even though, now & again I really like a guy who has the ability to take charge & be, well, forceful in a good way, you know it’s nice to be thrown onto a bed & have your clothes taken off of you with animalistic hunger… forceful with the ability to pay attention to what i want is good) 

So Guy & I are both naked. 

I get the guy who does not like to be naked, naked. 

But… I can tell that this isn’t going to go all the way (god I hate that phrase)

… but that’s ok, because I am being held.

I like being held. 

I like being the inner spoon. 

I like that Guy is tracing his finger tips along my finger tips 

  & that Oh My! does it feel good 

(i have severely sensitive hands… yes you can give me an orgasm if you now the right spots on my hands to press/hold/touch) …this feels good, but not that ‘Oh, My!’ good, clearly Guy does not yet know about my hands.

So we’re lying there & something hits me. I recall something that  our friend (who is really good friends with Guy) had said earlier at the party about Guy, + the whole not liking to be naked thing… + how kind of nervous he seemed…

I slightly turn my head back & up towards him since we’re still spooning, & ask, slowly, softly, “Guy, are you a virgin?”

-”Is it that obvious?” was his response. no embarrassment attached. straight up, completely out there.

It was sweet. (somehow, don’t ask…)

I wanted to take charge right then & there & deflower Guy on the spot, but another part of me wanted his first time to have candles & rose petals… I am a girl, don’t judge, guys can like candle light & flowers too.

I’m glad we didn’t have sex

I cuddled into him more & fell asleep.

It’s probably a situation where it was too much too soon & won’t go anywhere, probably, maybe. yeah… spooked him.

But I hope I didn’t, I am strangely attracted to him. I was interested before the virgin thing, & now it seems kind of nice, the potential to go nice & slow with someone & to possibly be their first. It’s like an honor in someway that they would trust you for that. But I can’t just do a one night stand with this guy because he’s a virgin. 

I actually want to, gasp, date him. 

His nervousness, makes me nervous, it’s like it heightened my senses around him, it was nice to feel that electric nervous-ness again. (We had madeout more in the morning)

He walked me to the subway stop & we kissed.

He said he’d call me (i lost my cell & all my numbers, so I don’t have his right now)

He hasn’t, & he might not be interested in me past that night… 

& you know, that’s ok. (a little sucky, but totally ok)

I had a good time & I’m in the city for the summer, so my search for a non-asshole shall continue… hopefully to be triumphant.

I do have to say that for being a virgin & a little shaky/nervous he was mighty deft in removing my bra… hmmm. 

Thursday is interested & she’s on the prowl.

(she also apologizes for this post of massively epic proportions)

…stay tuned

~ by Thursday Afternoon Girl on May 26, 2008.